For those in ED recovery on Thanksgiving
I’ll be enjoying my Thanksgiving meal in honor of my grandmother, who chronically dieted until she passed away in 2006. Every step I take toward loving my body is in her honor, because I believe it is up to me to change the dialogue the women in my family have had about their bodies being bad or wrong for generation after generation. I feed myself as if I would feed someone that I love deeply, because I believe my grandmother never felt that she could.
U.S. Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and I want to say a few things to my non-gender specific siblings out there in eating disorder recovery:
- It’s okay to eat. You don’t have to do anything to justify your eating. It is okay to be a person amongst people, enjoying the food.
- It’s also okay to have limits. From pushy relatives who make comments about your body, to pushy friends who goad you to eat more pumpkin pie than your stomach has room for, you can draw a line. “Here is my boundary” you can say. You can stick to your boundary with love. Anyone you disappoint by having boundaries is likely not worth keeping around.
- You don’t have to let what other people are doing, eating, and saying touch you. Draw up an emotional shield if this is a triggering time for you. You are safe, you are protected, and I know what it’s like to be afraid on a day that is supposed to be about gratitude and I know what it’s like to overcome it. You’ve got this. I am here for you.
- Exercise shan’t be punishment for what you consume on this day, or any day. Think of your food as nourishment, and fuel and on this day, acknowledgement for this stolen land we are partying on. Don’t think of it in terms of burpees and deadlifts and sprints. Exercise is for the exaltation of release. It is for the celebration of being in your body and seeing what your body can do. Don’t make exercise something you do to be a dick to yourself. Long term, you will appreciate yourself from refraining from that mindset, I promise.
It is my sincere hope, that you are with friends and family that make you feel loved and excited to be alive. It is my wish that you can find the perfect amount of full, and that guilt and shame won’t be prominent emotions around your meals. As I’ve said a million times, recovery is about progress- not perfection. Pat yourself on the back for successes and take note of the hard moments and use them as information.
I believe in you.
Shakin’ Shit Up
I couldn’t help but want to alter the title of this book. “I love you, let’s work out” is basically bound to be the title of my memoirs.
ANYWAY.
HI! I am writing to you from four days away from my wedding, six days away from my honeymoon, and about a month away from moving to Portland. I am (clearly) counting down the days in some ways, but in other ways I am so so happy right this second. These are the last few weeks I have in my beloved Oakland, and I am not taking them for granted. I love my life here. I love California. I love being close to my family, even if I don’t see them as much as I’d like, and I love being close to the ocean- even if I don’t see that much either. It has been a great five years back in the bay, and I am not forgetting just because I am about to leave.
Maybe this is a sign that I am actually becoming an adult (at age 31- late bloomer, perhaps?) but this is maybe the first time in my life that I am completely happy in a place and that I also know that it is time to go. Things are changing rapidly in the bay area, and the flow of the whole process is definitely nudging me to move elsewhere. My partner and my best friend have been here for years, and neither has ever really been thrilled with the place in general. I feel like I’ve watched them grow relatively sullen with their California prospects in a number of ways, and I’ve fought it, been pissed at them for not loving this place as much as I do, been sad that they can’t be on my same page, and then just accepted it. My family is unconventional, but they are still my family. If the fam is unhappy, it makes sense to move forward.
It’s a strange and unique feeling, this plain acceptance of what is. I kind of like it, because it just makes my life so much easier when I am not fighting tooth and nail to make things try to be the way I would like them to. As a person who has spent a lot of time taking care of themselves, it is truly marvelous to relinquish a little control.
Because Portland is good too.
Because I have an amazing apartment waiting for me there.
Because there is much possibility in change.
Because shaking shit up is occasionally good for the spirit, right?
Right.
On that note, I am taking a break! A break from working with clients, a break from podcasting and a break from blogging until September first. I haven’t taken a two day break from this job that I love so dearly in the two years that I have been doing it, and so I imagine two weeks will feel like an amazing, difficult, and much needed eternity. In the meantime, I want to tell you to find your body positivity at Rebel Grrl Living and The Militant Baker, and if you have time, read this article over at No Meat Athlete. It resonated with my personal life more than I expected, and is exactly what prompted me to keep my two week honeymoon completely work and regimen free.
I shall see you all upon my return!!!!!!
Weekend Reading: HOLY SHIT edition.
So, holy shit, a lot of wonderful things have crossed my web browser lately, and I want to share them all with you.
I feel ambitious today! I’m going to give you a huge wallop of links. I am going to give them with limited commentary, because there are just SO MANY, and the fact is, I bet the titles will pique your interest more than my opinions will. BUT first things first, and that first thing is Feminist Lisa Frank :
Jesus Christ. My emotional pre-teen girl boner has POPPED for these images, and will continue to do so, from now until forever, every single time I look at them. Thank you feminist Lisa Frank, Thank you.
And now the rest of the links:
“I got 4 bikes”: 2 Nickelodeon Super Toy Run winners reminisce 20 years later By Marah Eakin
Do you remember the Nickelodeon toy run? I hoped, I prayed, I DREAMED of winning the opportunity to go buck fucking wild, running up and down the empty halls of Toys R’ Us and filling my life with the pure unbridled joy that is TOYS. I kind of always thought maybe no kid actually won, maybe it was all a hoax. It was super fun to read that I was wrong!
When You Learn to Hate Your Body from Your Own Family by Gillian Brown
Hey. So. Lots of times, our parents hate their bodies. Our grandparents hate their bodies. Shit, I bet our grandparent’s grandparent’s might have hated their bodies. This article reminded me that today, right now I have the opportunity to stop that train. I love my body so that all the kids I come in contact with can love theirs too. PARADIGM SHIFT, THATS WASSUP.
Get On The Train: for Palo Alto Teens who have considered suice by Ariel Gore
Dropping out of high school saved my fucking life, and I have never once for one day regretted it. If the train of high school feels fast and brutal, you can get off. It’s okay. I love you.
Our Sense of Belonging can Never be Greater Than Our Level of Self-acceptance by Tricia Martin-Owen
This is so, completely, 100% TRUE. Tricia Martin-Owen has been a peaceful and compassionate voice for as long as I’ve known her (almost eight years ago this happened- an event that was thrown especially for me at such a horrible time in my life, this post still brings tears to my eyes). It is wonderful to see how Tricia’s compassion continues to spiral outward, but now seems to be going inward as well. YOU GO GURL.
How the “Inspiring” Good Fatty Hurts the Body Positive Movement by Bitchtopia
The more I delve deeper into body politics, the more I know there is still so much to learn, so may ways I can stretch my understandings of how ALL people deserve to love the body in which they are housed in. I am feeling deep gratitude to this article for helping me to push my boundaries and understand issues of representation with a bit more complexity.
Be A Person Who Gets Shit Done: A Gentle Guide by Rachel
There is nothing-and I a mean NOTHING- I love more than getting shit DONE. This guide is a great help for just that.
Last thing! Rise and Resist has a third episode out now, in which Holly and I discuss body image, self-esteem, changing your workout routine, involving your partner in your fitness, accepting your body at any size, and delicious delicious SNACKS. You can find that episode Here.
Happy weekend!
