Things have been really, super, very busy around these parts. I used to think “oh, as soon as XYZ is done, I will have ALL THIS TIME to do SO MANY THINGS”. Recently, I had the realization that I will likely always have projects and it makes sense to get used to having a lot going on. This is the life of a person who is willing to #workthathustle in order to live an enjoyable life. It is full, of course, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.
There are a lot of moving parts in terms of my day to day and I don’t take that for granted. While I’ve always been driven by projects and achievements, for years I didn’t do much outside of my eating disorder. I am honestly still getting used to the fact that I have a big life, with friends and clients and a partner. When I start to feel overwhelmed lately, I try to remind myself of times when I would simply mope all day and go to bed at 7PM, because I just wanted my day to be over. My life was therapy, the nutritionist, OA meetings, and compulsive cardio. I hated my body. My friendships were limited, and even with people I felt alone.
I don’t forget where I’ve come from.
ANYWAY, I am supposed to be telling you about my meals and snacks, not the deep dark shit in my past. What I am basically trying to say is that with my business, my side hustle recipe formulation, writing, friends, the podcast, my partner, a wedding in less than three weeks, kauai right after, and a move to Portland in September, shit is definitely happening. I am not living on the sidelines and I’m super grateful! Here is a peak at my food:
6:00AM – Pre workout, AKA breakfast number one:
My daily morning steez has been a FitQuick waffle with banana soft serve lately, and I cannot recommend this combo enough. The carbs give me quick energy to get out there and crush it at the gym, and a waffle and ice cream breakfast makes the kid in me really, really happy. After this waffle I hit the gym for the first day in my de-load week. I did the following workout:
A. 1 clean and 2 front squats- 4 sets at 70% of your clean one rep max
B. Back squat: 3 sets of 8 at 60% of your one rep max
C. Behind the Neck snatch grip push press- 5 sets of 3 at 60% of your one rep max snatch
D. Superset: 2 sets- 20 hip extensions, 20 weighted walking lunges
E. Cardio: 90 double unders, 30 back squats, 60 double unders, 20 front squats, 30 double unders, 10 overhead squats . (finished in 17 minutes and 36 seconds) Incidentally, my friend Ed was filming his back squat PR as I finished my overhead squats and he captured me here. I felt truly fucked as I completed this workout, but I’m looking strong! I’ll take it.
9:30AM- Post workout, aka Breakfast number two:
I love the fitness life for many, many reasons and how good exercise makes food taste is just one of them. This meal was a Stumptown Cold Brew in honor of my beloved Portland, paired with some Bread SRSLY vegan gluten-free sourdough, nooch, and some super-eggy style tofu scramble. This recipe is soooo simple, but the Kama Nalak salt takes the scram to a serious next-level. As a vegan who used to love eggs, I find this to be divine.
1:00 PM- lunch!
In the past, I have always had green smoothies for one of my two breakfasts, and it has taken some adjustment to just be getting my first veg serving after noon. I personally find that old orthorexic thoughts can still creep in from time to time, so I am actually enjoying the challenge of letting myself have what I want, as opposed to what I think I should have. Who says green smoothies are the only breakfast? Really, I think the answer is that no one said that, and that somewhere along the lines I made it up as a rule and stuck to it regardless. My breakfasts are directly around my workouts, and I find myself significantly more satisfied when I chew to get my nutrition at those times. Maybe you feel the same?
What was I talking about again?
Oh, yeah. Lunch.
So, by the time lunch rolled around, I was super ready for some veg-action. This pile is kale, steamed yukon gold potatoes, Beyond Meat grilled Chicken Strips, and Rita’s Chipotle Salsa, all piled on Food for Life Corn Tortillas. The tortillas are sprouted (yay, digestability!) and made of whole corn kernals. I LOVE them.
Dinner was a new recipe I formulated for the KeVita blog that I am actually really excited about. It involved eggplant, chickpeas, tomatoes, onions, capers, olives, cilantro, zucchini noodles, and – of course- some KeVita. It was topped with So Delicious Unsweetened Cultured Coconut Milk and it tasted awesome. At the time of writing, that recipe has yet to be posted, but keep checking back. It should be up there soon!
It is definitely on the liberal side to call a protein chia pudding a dessert, but it was sweet and cold without the blood sugar spike, so I think it’s kind of perfect. Basically, I soaked 3 Tablespoons of Chia with unsweetened homemade pumpkin seed milk, 1 scoop of Vanilla Vega Sport and some frozen berries, and it tastes fucking awesome. I eat some variation of a protein pudding, ice cream, or pancake (typically using Vega) almost every day and I LOVE the flavor.
In between my foods and my workout I promoted a post I had written on emotional eating, cleaned the gym that I do a trade with, got groceries, answered client emails, formulated a meal plan, met with a client in person, formulated and photographed said KeVita recipe, trained a client, showered, and recorded my Podcast.
With the exception of the dinner recipe (which I formulated and took time with as part of my work), each meal took me less than 10 minutes to prepare. It may seem overhwhelming to eat healthy, but once you get in the flow it can actually be super efficient.
What are YOU eating lately? Links and pictures, PLZ!
I own a mirror, in my room, for the first time in years.
It happened kind of by accident, because I moved into a room with my partner last week that just so happens to be a master bedroom that is gigantic and has a big-ass mirror mounted right on the closet door. I was kind of surprised when I saw it, and honestly a little bit dismayed.
I see myself in work out gear in gym mirrors all the time, but I hadn’t seen myself naked in front of a mirror since 2010, when I moved to California from my mirror-containing apartment in Portland, Oregon. The last time there was a mirror in my room I checked it constantly, pinching fat around my waist and holding my arms over the outer edges of my thighs to imagine what I’d look like if there was no curve there.
Because I will always be a person in recovery, no matter how good I feel, I worried that my new mirror would make me feel weird. I did not have the desire to pick myself apart while staring myself in the eyes, and I had honest concern that the urge might sneak up and overtake me. That sort of thing simply waits in the wings for me, always ready to pounce when I feel weak or overly tired.
The suspicion I felt when I saw my mirror made me remember a journal entry I wrote in my LiveJournal (yes, LiveJournal!), dated April 16th, 2013. I had been doing Crossfit for just a little under a year when I wrote this post, and my body had changed drastically. The entry reads as follows:
“I am having some real body image crap come up lately. As I’ve said, Crossfit was the thing that stopped me from being bulimic, but sometimes I feel really confused about the results of that for my body. I stopped puking and I started lifting really heavy weights, and- shocker- I gained weight. My thighs are basically giant (This is seriously not like, me being body dysmorphic. They definitely got much bigger due to muscle from lifting and eating more). I am well aware that people find my body attractive when I am more curvy, but I really feel self conscious about it, especially as a high school teacher. I feel like when I have more curves I can’t help but be seen sexually, when in reality I don’t always want that to be my M.O. Adding insult to injury, my body image really keeps me from feeling excited about myself at all and I never EVER look in a mirror. I mean face mirror, yes. Full length, no fucking way. I am sure my body is fine, but it is kind of intense to have gained at least 40 lbs. in the past few years. I am just not used to taking up that much space.”
HOW SAD IS THAT?!
Since I moved into this room with the mirror I have thought a lot about my relationship to myself both in physical and emotional ways. My capacity to acknowledge that I am a good, positive person doing good, positive things in the world has grown exponentially since 2013. The fact that I approach my life with a baseline level of self-care and self-compassion has changed how I interact with the world around me. I no longer contend with hating myself on a daily basis. I have learned to navigate my body and it’s sexuality outside of other people’s perceptions, or even numbers for the most part. I do not assume I am flawed and, what do you know, that makes my life way more enjoyable.
I do believe that choosing to avoid the mirror for a spell of time was good for me while I was doing the work to get here. I had grown so accustomed to using a mirror as both a tool of torture and a tool of validation that I needed to step away, do my best to put on clean clothes and brush my teeth and hair, and hope that the way I looked was good enough without constant spot checking. But as I ran past this entry in my old journal, I knew it wasn’t right for me to avoid the mirror anymore. I wasn’t exactly afraid of what the mirror would show me any longer anyway, and there was no use hiding from something that was right across from my new bed day in and day out.
So, I did what I had done all those years ago, in the darkest days of my sickness. I got buck fucking naked, stood in front of the mirror, and took a peak. What stood before me was something kind of amazing.
It was the body of a woman that had changed her relationship with herself through serious years of hard and consistent work.
A body that had been many weights and sizes, and showed signs of such struggles.
It was the body of someone who worked hard. At her business, on her mind, at her ability to be a partner and a friend.
It was the body of a woman that was getting really damn good at olympic lifting.
The body of a woman that looked a lot like the body of some other women I deemed really seriously important. My grandmother. My mother. My sister. This body was not the same as theirs of course, but it was very, very similar.
I have the body of a well-nourished woman.
A body that I respect.
And most of all, I have the body of my friend.
Someone that I love, and someone that I trust.
And so, with that acknowledgment, I high fived the mirror, and put my clothes back on.
Good job, body.
Thanks for baring with the process.
I haven’t done a “how I worked Wednesday” post in quite some time, and as my training has shifted and progressed in a number of ways in the past few months I thought it was high time to show you how I’ve been breakin’ a sweat. I consider my training to be one of the best parts of my day almost every time I do it, and though I know only a few will get anything out of seeing how many reps I do of what lift, the ones who like it will be greatly intrigued.
Basically, I do this for the fitness dorks AKA the people like myself. You’re welcome, guys!
A note: recently it has come to my attention that some people are annoyed by healthy living bloggers, because what they put out into the world seems full of judgement. I know there are the #eatclean, #noexcuses, #teamnodaysoff type of fitness social media personalities, but I want to say here and now that I am not one of them. Everything I share is to let other people in to my process, should they be interested. I do not wish to glorify crossfit, olympic lifting, interval training, or running. I have no idea if what works for me works for you. If your preferred method of exercise is pilates and walking, I think that is fucking excellent. You can be annoyed that I try to make my meals look pretty and pick the perfect tea towel before I photograph, but please don’t be annoyed with the perception that I am saying you should do what I do. I’m not! I trust your judgement on your fitness and your life as much as I trust my judgement for my fitness and mine.
And with that, onto the lifts!
Monday: 5 sets of 1 high hang snatch. I worked up to 65 lbs.
4 sets of 3 front squats. I worked up to 115 pounds.
3 sets of eight stiff legged deadlifts. I worked up to 120 pounds.
3 sets of
10 plate crunches
10 russian twists (10 each side)
1 minute plank
300 single jump ropes, 20 Back Squats at 105 lbs., 20 V-ups, 20 assisted Ring Dips, 200 m Sandbag Run
5 mile fasted cardio run
5 Sets of 2 halt squat cleans. I worked up to 100 pounds.
4 sets of 8 back squats. I worked up to 120 lbs.
5 sets of 2 dumbbell push jerks. I worked up to 30 lb. dumbbells in each hand.
2 sets of 30 second isometric hold back extensions
8 rounds for time of: 5 Burpees, 4 Box Jumps, 3 pike ups. My time was 7:23.
3 sets of 2 Snatch from blocks. I worked up to 65 lbs.
4 sets of 2 front squats + 1 dumbbell push jerk. I worked up to 120 lb. squat and 30 lb. dumbbells in each hand.
4 sets of 5 deficit deadlifts. I worked up to 120 lbs.
3 sets of
10 alternating arm V-ups (10 each side)
10 reverse crunches
10 side plank windmills (10 each side)
3 rounds, 1 min per station, of: Kettlebell Swings, Goblet Squats, Russian Twists
30 minutes fasted HIIT stair run intervals
How have you been workin’ it lately?